This life – it’s so easy to just let it move along and things happen and before I notice it’s been way too long since I’ve written a blog post.
In the last few months I’ve struggled a lot with some heartbreak and attempting to find a solid idea of my identity and purpose. I got a lot of advice from friends and family and my amazing therapist, but mostly it’s just a process that has to be gotten through, one way or another. There have been many times over these weeks that I thought to myself that it wasn’t even the words and advice themselves that were the point, just the seeking out of solace and help, even just having something, anything to fill up the moments so that they were not so replete with pain.
And in the meantime I rearranged my house, started things afresh, wrote some music, got excited again about graduate school, did some A M A Z I N G yoga, connected with remarkable people, and did a kickass photo shoot with the inimitable and marvelous Jade Beall.
Another wonderful thing to come out of this time is the development of some new habits that are serving me well. My beautiful friend and colleague recommended to me that I read some sort of spiritual writing every day. She told me that she didn’t know where she would be if she hadn’t had that over the years, and as a result of cultivating the practice of reading at least one page of spiritual writing every day, I finished a book that had been languishing on my shelf for a few years and have since started another.
I pray for perspective, the kind that I have from pain that has long since passed. I look at those pains now and see their wisdom and value. I continue to work to develop the skill to sit with my pain and let it have its moment. I work to sense and sit with the feeling of grasping I have for what I wish would somehow be and try to laugh at my hubris for believing somewhere in me that I know better than the vast universe how things ought to happen.
Meanwhile, there is this, for which I am grateful: Namaste
