So here it is, the last week. week 10. It coincides with the taking of GRE’s and full-on immersion in two classes. You know, plus life and stuff. But really the worst is over.
I am writing in the aftermath of the GRE’s, feeling shaky and unsure and very unconfident in myself. I didn’t realize how much stock I was putting in how I did on this test, how much of my self-worth I see in the score, and how I rely on my history as a good test taker, which when out of practice for 15 years or so can throw a gal into a bit of a self-esteem tailspin.
So the statement for the week is well-timed.
As usual, the reading is much more than one would imagine from the statement. This week’s reading centers around being versus doing. It notes how in most people’s lives, we place value on what we do, what we accomplish, rather than the quality and experience of our lives. Brown asserts that because we did not receive unconditional love as younglings, we looked outside ourselves and asked what we could DO to receive it. As a result our lives became about what we could DO to get approval, love, a feeling of value and worth. And he writes that the feeling we seek can come from nowhere but inside.
So the statement I Appreciate Myself invests us with love, invests us with value. And from the perspective of one of the other definitions of “appreciate”, we can increase our own value by investing love and positive attention on ourselves. I increase my value through my positive self-care and assertion. So I look at myself and appreciate my unique set of traits and thoughts and qualities that create me as a distinct individual in this world.
Brown also posits that much of the pain we experience in this world comes from the separation that we visualize between ourselves and other beings. He says that most of the thoughts and actions that we do in search of the love we seek actually increase the gap between us and other people, for example comparing ourselves to others in order to be “better” or demonizing their actions or apparent intentions. If one instead chooses to see the Other as a person who is also attempting to find and secure love and feeling of belonging in the world, we close the gap. We become the love we seek. And that love fills us and soothes the cracks and wounds that motivate us to act in ways that are less self- serving.
So this week so far I’ve been trying more than usual to look into the eyes of the people on the other end of things: the cashier at Whole Foods or the person next to me at the stoplight or the lady across from me in yoga. I am not by any means succeeding 100% of the time. But I’m noticing a feeling of calm and connection with regard to other people that is small but dawning.
In connecting with others intentionally, I am closing the gap. And I am Appreciating Myself.
