There are so many gifts to having friends in your life who have known you for a long time. I am deeply fortunate to have several friends whom I have known and loved for over 25 years. The advantages to this are things like that they knew me when my hair was ridiculous (of course so was theirs) and they still love me. They watched me grow from a child to an adult, have seen the phases I’ve been through, have watched me struggle and break free, fail and succeed, and they have gotten to know my patterns. Good friends are always there to let you know when you’re repeating a cycle, or when you are finally doing something different this time and they cheer you on.
Another wonderful thing about good friends is that sometimes they are there to repeat back to you some of the advice you’ve given them over the years, which can come in awfully handy in times of need. Just today I was fretting over an issue that has been repeating itself in my head for some time, bemoaning my situation, and not only did my wonderful friend of 26 years remind me of how lucky I actually am, but she said “Remember when you taught me to ask Who would we be without certain thoughts? That helps me every day!”
I can’t take credit for that little tidbit, that’s all Byron Katie: 
But I can definitely give tremendous thanks to my friend for reminding me of what I need to heed when I get into that space.
In case you aren’t familiar with The Work, here’s a very very quick synopsis. The emotional and psychological pain we experience in our lives is caused, according to BK, by one thing: arguing with reality. When we believe that something should be different than it is, we experience pain. According to her, what serves us best in these situations is to come into alignment with reality as it is, not as we believe it should be.
How do we do this? First, identify the belief you have about what should be different than it is, for example, “My son should pay more attention in school.” Second, ask yourself the following 4 questions:
Is it true? In the above example, is this an objectively true statement?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Can I without a doubt know that my son should pay attention more in school? How do I know that his calling might not be outside the traditional school mindset? Maybe not paying attention is something he needs to do to learn a life lesson for him.
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? I feel anxious, sad, worried that my son will suffer because of not paying attention.
Who would you be without the thought? I would feel lighter, freer, easier, happier. I would trust that my son is doing what is right for him.
After you’ve done this, the next step is:
Turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation.
Turning the thought around in this case would involve several options: 1) My son pays exactly as much attention as he should in school. (in this case, as evidenced by 3 examples I could find about when he has paid attention, how he IS doing well) 2) I should pay more attention (in school, in my life) and find 3 examples of how I could pay more attention in my “school” 3) I pay as much attention in my life as I should, with 3 supporting examples of how I pay enough attention.
This kind of work is absolutely transformative. What I come to each time I do it is a sneaking feeling that everything really is going to be okay. Rob Breszny calls it Pronoia. I think it’s something the world can always use more of. Please join me in spreading the pronoia, whether it’s through doing The Work, doing the play, doing affirmations, yoga, somersaults, whatever transforms your state of mind and heart.
Namaste
