I notice that each of these statements sounds a little jargon-y. This week is about integrating the previous 4 weeks of statements into one protocol that serves to handle intense emotional experiences as they arise. Brown discusses in the reading (which is a bit voluminous this week compared to the previous three) that what prevents us from experiencing pure joy is the judgment that we place on the experiences that we are having. So attempting to view different emotional states as equal allows the flow of joy to proceed unimpeded in our lives.
Interesting thought, that by not seeing sadness or pain as bad, joy can be present.
The protocol goes something like this:
Dismiss the messenger (notice that something is coming up, acknowledge it and know that the emotional experience is intense because it is unrelated to the object, person, and even the time in which it is taking form)
Get the message (figure out what childhood thing it is echoing)
Feel it (let yourself feel it fully and identify the feeling in as simple terms as possible: sad, angry, afraid)
Compassion (give your inner child time and space and love as the feeling flows through you until it moves on)
I thought I had done this the other morning as I began this week. I did my breathing, had some stuff come up and got a little teary and then moved on. Then I heard my dog chewing on something and cracked open an eye to see him decimating a pen I had taken from him several times the night before. This added to the four pairs of underwear he had destroyed the night previous as well, and it tipped me over the edge. I got angry and stampy and then ended up sitting in the middle of my bed in a meltdown for the next 15 minutes or so, during which time I did my very best to just identify the feelings, have compassion for myself and just give the wave its time to crest and wane. I felt alone, and defeated, and pitiful. And I boo-hooed my way through it. And on the other side of it I just picked up and moved forward. I didn’t hold on to it, just left it behind and went through the rest of my day.
Later when I looked back at it I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for having such a big feeling over such a small thing. And I not only realized this then, but I actually saw in the moment of it all happening that I was having child flashbacks, feelings of being overwhelmed and sad that my things were destroyed or taken away, and that they couldn’t be replaced. Feelings of not enough and being alone, set adrift in the world all by myself, came up as well. Good stuff. Good stuff.
I’ve made it to week 6. This means I am past the halfway point. I feel okay. Not that it’s a question of that, but I’m still in the game.
