Archives for May 2012

There are so many gifts to having friends in your life who have known you for a long time.  I am deeply fortunate to have several friends whom I have known and loved for over 25 years.  The advantages to this are things like that they knew me when my hair was ridiculous (of course so was theirs) and they still love me.  They watched me grow from a child to an adult, have seen the phases I’ve been through, have watched me struggle and break free, fail and succeed, and they have gotten to know my patterns.  Good friends are always there to let you know when you’re repeating a cycle, or when you are finally doing something different this time and they cheer you on.

Another wonderful thing about good friends is that sometimes they are there to repeat back to you some of the advice you’ve given them over the years, which can come in awfully handy in times of need.  Just today I was fretting over an issue that has been repeating itself in my head for some time, bemoaning my situation, and not only did my wonderful friend of 26 years remind me of how lucky I actually am, but she said “Remember when you taught me to ask Who would we be without certain thoughts?  That helps me every day!”

I can’t take credit for that little tidbit, that’s all Byron Katie: But I can definitely give tremendous thanks to my friend for reminding me of what I need to heed when I get into that space.

In case you aren’t familiar with The Work, here’s a very very quick synopsis.  The emotional and psychological pain we experience in our lives is caused, according to BK, by one thing: arguing with reality.  When we believe that something should be different than it is, we experience pain.  According to her, what serves us best in these situations is to come into alignment with reality as it is, not as we believe it should be.

How do we do this?  First, identify the belief you have about what should be different than it is, for example, “My son should pay more attention in school.”  Second, ask yourself the following 4 questions:

 Is it true?  In the above example, is this an objectively true statement?

 Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Can I without a doubt know that my son should pay attention more in school?  How do I know that his calling might not be outside the traditional school mindset?  Maybe not paying attention is something he needs to do to learn a life lesson for him.

 How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? I feel anxious, sad, worried that my son will suffer because of not paying attention.

 Who would you be without the thought? I would feel lighter, freer, easier, happier.  I would trust that my son is doing what is right for him.

After you’ve done this, the next step is:

Turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation.

Turning the thought around in this case would involve several options: 1) My son pays exactly as much attention as he should in school. (in this case, as evidenced by 3 examples I could find about when he has paid attention, how he IS doing well) 2) I should pay more attention (in school, in my life)  and find 3 examples of how I could pay more attention in my “school” 3) I pay as much attention in my life as I should, with 3 supporting examples of how I pay enough attention.

This kind of work is absolutely transformative.  What I come to each time I do it is a sneaking feeling that everything really is going to be okay.  Rob Breszny calls it Pronoia.  I think it’s something the world can always use more of.  Please join me in spreading the pronoia, whether it’s through doing The Work, doing the play, doing affirmations, yoga, somersaults, whatever transforms your state of mind and heart.  

Namaste

I’m reading this book, Conscious Loving, that is one of the few self-helpy kinds of books that I’ve ever enjoyed.  It’s a great blend of insight, advice, anecdote and exercise that is really inspiring me to take an active role in my relationships with other people and the world in general.  A great deal of it centers around looking at how our relationships reflect and replay subconscious habits and patterns established in our childhood which, when focused upon, can be seen for what they are and altered in the here and now.  How freeing!  No more need to blame other people for being the cause of my problems!  Of course this is easier read than done, yes?

One thing that I find a great tool to take out of the toolbox and utilize is that of mantra.  Mantras are essentially statements, words that have power.  They are repeated many times to bring about a change in one’s perception, even energetic field.  If you think about it for a moment, chances are there are already a number of mantras that you repeat to yourself every day and don’t realize it.  Do any of these sound vaguely familiar? “Man I hate traffic/grocery shopping/exercising.” or “Why is it always me that does the work?” or “I can’t have that/I don’t deserve that.” or “_____ is so much cuter/stronger/better than me.”  Maybe it’s just me that has these sort of statements rattling around in my head on a day-to-day basis, but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

With the practice of mantra, you turn a subconscious habit into a conscious one.  Repeating a mantra like Om Namah Shivaya, giving honor and thanks to the auspicious divine quality and innate wisdom in all things, all beings,  is a way to acknowledge simultaneously one’s own grace and divinity as well as that of all other things in the universe.  It’s a powerful statement to make from three tiny words.  I have come to the habit of periodically reverting to this mantra when I’m feeling stressed out or uncertain or incapable of doing something I want to do.

It’s important to say the mantra a lot.  You have to figure, for every time you’ve said something contrary, you have to say something positive at least twice to equalize, then counteract it.  It’s math.  Negative one plus two equals positive one.  But there are a lot of times over the years you may have said these contrary things to yourself, so you have a bit of catching up to do!  Or rather, I know I do.  So using a mala, (those necklaces that you see us hippie-yoga-type folks wearing with our Om t-shirts and Lululemon pants) is a great way to keep yourself on task in trying to say them a lot.

Another tool to use is affirmations, which are not really any different from a mantra except that often they are not in Sanskrit, and usually are pretty specific sentences that one repeats once a day (or more).  Doing this in front of a mirror can be helpful – awkward at first, but helpful.

Here’s a great long affirmation that covers pretty much all the bases from Gold Star Coaching:

All is well in my world. I love my life and see it getting better every day. I experience joyous relationships with the wonderful, amazing, uplifting people in my life. I feel good and look good. I love and appreciate my body and enjoy vibrant good health. I’m exhilarated and excited as I begin each new day. I have an occupation that thrills me. I experience ever-flowing prosperity and abundance. I expect and believe that something wonderful is just about to happen. I stay connected with Source, happily creating my ideal life. Everything I desire flows to me easily and joyfully. I make feeling good the most important thing and I’m getting really good at keeping my vibration high by choosing thoughts that feel good. I’m filled with appreciation, always looking for more to appreciate and enjoy. I love my life. I love myself. I love my family and friends. I’m a magnet for amazing prosperity, vibrant good health and loving relationships. I’m a successful, confident, prosperous, loving, generous, happy person.”

What might happen if you said this to yourself every day?  How might your life change?  Is anyone willing to challenge themselves to do this every day for a month and let me know how it goes?  If so, I’ll do it with you.  Let me know.

So yesterday I woke up with the weight of the world on my shoulders, or to be more accurate, pressing in on my entire body from all directions.  Even air touching my skin felt painful; breathing was uncomfortable, my head hurt, I was nauseated, I had no energy, all in all I felt like ten kinds of terrible and I had a day that was (once again) going to take a lot out of me.  Having a job where I give my energy to other people, this is a trap into which I can easily fall.  I love what I do.  I give my heart and my attention and my knowledge and my hope and desire for people to feel better both through bodywork and yoga, and it can drain me when I ignore the small (and increasingly larger) messages I send myself to let me know how much is too much.

Luckily I have managed to learn a little bit over the years, and I regularly book treatments for myself with various and amazing practitioners who keep me at my best.  Yesterday I was fortunate enough to get some work from the phenomenal Dan Desmond, who is worth his weight in gold and then some.  I went into the appointment exhausted, sickened from giving more than was wise, and came out feeling like someone had taken that broken ill body from me and replaced it with myself again.  I was able to give one more treatment that day and teach a Yoga Hour class that was totally fun, energizing, and fulfilling.

From the second Dan put his hands on me I could feel waves of gratitude washing over me, through me, cleansing out all the heaviness and pain I was holding.  That joyful, beautiful, connected, deeply loving, open feeling stayed with me the rest of the day.  I give this kind of work to people and yet still can’t believe the difference it can make.

Regular bodywork is not just an indulgence or pampering.  It can change your entire reality.  I have a team of people I regularly see to keep all the aspects of my health in check: physical, emotional, mental, energetic.  Without it I know I could not give the quality of work that I do, and I can imagine that my life would not have anywhere near the sparkle that it does.

If you have any questions about recommendations for various types of practitioners, feel free to ask.  I’m always happy to share the love!